i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
