i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
