wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
it's like iHOP with fire
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
