nut hugger
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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