also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
