I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
