Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
