John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
