Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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