I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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