bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
