i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
