So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize