i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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