party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
