UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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