I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
