I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
