It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
