dude i'm inner monologue high
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
