I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
