Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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