I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize