6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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