you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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