someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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