sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
