Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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