One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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