So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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