hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We're too hungover to prance.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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