the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
