some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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