everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize