WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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