Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Soap is not a condiment
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
