you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We are all done wearing pants today
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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