Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
