i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
