Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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