I'm going to jail i love you
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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