I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
