I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
