Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
