you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize