I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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