Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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