Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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