got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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