it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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