I heard we made out
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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