oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
