people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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