it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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