if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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