my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You ate ashes out of my bong
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
