His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
