I queefed so loud it echoed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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