I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
