and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
