your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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