I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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