I didn't shave. On purpose
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
