We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
