Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
