So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
